双语新闻：西门子医疗的蹩脚更名Siemens Healthineers

青岛希尼尔翻译咨询有限公司（www.sinosenior.com）整理发布  2016-05-26

青岛希尼尔翻译公司（www.sinosenior.com）2016年5月26日了解到：Up above the sky was blue and cloudless. On the ground thousands of people stood facing a stage flanked by screens and with a scaffold of lights and cameras on a crane overhead. Loud music thumped.

碧空如洗，万里无云。几千人围聚在一个被巨幕环绕的舞台前，舞台上方的灯光架上遍布照明灯，还有架设在升降机上的摄像机。乐声震耳欲聋。

It could have been Glastonbury if you didn’t look too closely at the crowd, many of whom were in formal jackets and shirts. No one was swaying to the music.

如果不凑上前去瞧瞧这些观众，还以为这是格拉斯顿伯里(Glastonbury)音乐节现场，但观众们很多都身着正装夹克和衬衫。没有谁跟着音乐摇头晃脑。

They were staring straight ahead, frozen. A few arms were raised bearing phones to capture what was possibly the most embarrassing corporate rebranding event ever.

他们凝视着前方，一动不动。有的正举着手机，抓拍这一可能是史上最尴尬的公司更名仪式。

Thus Siemens chose to tell its staff that henceforth its 120-year-old healthcare division, which makes sensible things like hearing aids and MRI scanners, was to be known as Siemens Healthineers. On stage a couple of dozen badly co-ordinated dancers in turquoise and orange spandex bodysuits gyrated to a lyric spelt out in giant letters on the screens: “Reaching out for more / For the best and never alone . . . One vision / One mission / One focus / One name / One culture / One dream/ One team” — building up to the mighty chorus, “We are, we are, we are Healthineers.”

西门子(Siemens)选择以这种方式向员工宣布，西门子医疗自此更名为Siemens Healthineers。西门子医疗已有120年历史，生产助听器及核磁共振成像仪之类的精密医疗器械。台上，二十多名身穿蓝绿色或橙黄色氨纶紧身服的舞者，随着歌声乱七八糟地旋转舞动。两边的大屏幕上显示着歌词：“努力成就更多/精益求精之路总有同伴……同一个愿景/同一个使命/同一个焦点/同一个名字/同一种文化/同一个梦想/同一个团队”——气氛逐渐加强进入高亢的大合唱，“我们是，我们是，我们是Healthineers。”

The song dragged on for nearly four minutes after which the audience gave the sort of polite clap born of relief that something awful is over.

这首歌拖拖拉拉地唱了将近4分钟才结束，观众们礼节性地鼓了鼓掌，有种解脱的意味——某种可怕的东西终于结束了。

A homemade video of the event has been attracting much attention online, where hundreds of people have posted comments variously saying: “This is how you destroy a company”, and “Welcome to a more soul-crushing 1984”. Some are suggesting that GE, Siemens’ main rival, will be rubbing its hands in glee as customers decline to buy life-saving medical kit from a cheesy team of Healthineers.

一段关于这次活动的自制视频，在网上引来很多关注，数百名网友纷纷评论：“告诉你如何毁掉一家公司”，“欢迎来到一个更加折磨灵魂的《1984》”。有人认为，当顾客拒绝再从Healtineers滑稽的团队购买救命的医疗用品时，西门子的主要竞争对手通用电气(GE)将拍手称快。

I suspect Siemens will survive this naff folie de grandeur. One of the greatest mysteries of capitalism is the way that companies can say and do boneheaded things while their business sails imperviously on.

我猜西门子在这次蹩脚的哗众取宠之后依然会活得很好。资本主义有几大奇迹，其中之一就是公司可以言行愚蠢，而生意却不受影响。

Even so, it has set an example to companies everywhere of how silly you can look when you ignore three basic rules of corporate communication.

即便如此，这依然给所有公司上了一课：当无视企业沟通之三大铁律时，必将贻笑大方。

The first says large companies must never turn to song. There is not a single example of a business putting its values to music without mass humiliation.

第一，大公司绝不要创作歌曲。还没有哪一家公司用音乐宣传自己的价值观时不大大出丑。

There was the terrible rendition of U2’s “One” at Bank of America, in which a balding banker pretended to be Bono. Then there was the Ernst & Young recruitment song: “Oh happy day / when Ernst & Young / Showed me a better way,” featuring accountants swaying and clapping out of time. The KPMG effort (“KPMG, we’re strong as can be / A team of power and energy / We go for the gold / Together we hold / To our vision of global strategy”) was ridiculed.

美国银行(Bank of America)曾糟糕地演绎过U2乐队的单曲《One》，他们让一位秃顶的银行家去扮演U2的主唱博诺(Bono)。再看安永(Ernst & Young )的招聘歌：“噢快乐的一天/当安永/指引我走上更好的道路，”一群压不上拍子的会计师一边摇摆一边拍手地唱着。毕马威 (KPMG)的杰作也遭到嘲笑（“毕马威，我们最强/我们的团队充满力量与活力/我们力争最优/我们团结一致/坚持我们的全球战略愿景”）。

Songs are fine in church where the words tend to be decent and where people gather because they believe in the same thing. Pop songs are fine too, so long as the people singing them are either young or cool.

在教堂里唱歌就没问题，那里的歌词往往很得体，人们也是出于相同信仰才齐聚一堂。流行歌曲也没问题，只要唱歌的人要么年轻要么够酷。

In corporations, any attempt to impose a system of shared belief is sinister, and as the average employee is neither young nor cool, songs are to be avoided at all costs.

而在公司里，任何将一套共同理念强加于人的企图都用心险恶，另外，由于一般的员工们都既不年轻也不够酷，所以要竭力回避歌曲。

The second rule is to resist portmanteau names, in which respectable words — in this case health, engineers and pioneers — are cut up and glued together to create something monstrous.

第二，别用拼造的词命名。这种做法将美好的词切分后再生拼硬造成古怪的新词，如西门子就是把health（健康）、engineers（工程师）及pioneers（先锋）拼成Healthineers。

Recent corporate examples include “innovalue”, “sustainagility”, “edgenuity” and “ideation”. Occasionally a company pulls it off: a few decades ago Bill Gates and Paul Allen created the rather successful Microsoft, though I daresay with those two it would have flourished whatever the name.

近年来，用拼造的词命名的企业不胜枚举，如“innovalue”、“sustainagility”、“edgenuity”和“ideation”。偶尔也会有那么一家公司取得成功：几十年前，比尔•盖茨(Bill Gates)与保罗•阿伦(Paul Allen)创立的微软(Microsoft)就大获成功，不过我敢说有那两位，公司不管叫什么都能生意兴隆。

The third law says claiming to be one team with one dream doesn’t make you so. It just makes you look stupid.

第三，自称公司是一个团队、共有一个梦想往往并不能得偿所愿，而只会令自己看上去很愚蠢。

“One” is the biggest corporate trend of the moment: One Heinz, One Sony, even One Microsoft. Every company that wants to show it isn’t in a muddle launches a One program.

“一个”是当今企业界最为流行的词语：一个亨氏(Heinz)，一个索尼(Sony)，甚至一个微软。每个想要证明自己并不混乱的公司都启动了“一个战略”。

What does it mean? And how can companies be so enthusiastic about being one, while at the same time banging on about diversity?

“一个”是什么意思？企业何以在如此热衷于“一个”的同时，又孜孜不倦地鼓吹多元化？

When Pearson, the former owner of the FT, announced it was One Pearson, I was none the wiser. And was less wise still when it decided that its oneness didn’t preclude it from flogging the newspaper.

当英国《金融时报》的前东家培生集团(Pearson)宣布其为“一个培生”时，我就一头雾水。而当培生认定它所说的“一个”并不妨碍它卖掉英国《金融时报》时，我越发不明白了。

Explaining the new name, the CEO of Siemens Healthineers recently held forth about “leveraging expertise”, “customised clinical solutions”, and the “journey to success” before getting to the nub of it. “Our new name . . .  expresses our identity as a people company.”

Siemens Healthineers的首席执行官近来对他们的新名字做出解释，在切中要点之前，他滔滔不绝地论及“利用专业知识”，“定制临床解决方案”，以及“通向成功之旅”。“我们的新名字…体现了我们是家以人为本的公司。”

In that case he has forgotten that people, unlike MRI machines, have feelings. They can feel embarrassment and alienation and are most disinclined to feel more warmly about their jobs after receiving trite messages at 110 decibels and watching dancers in orange and blue Spandex writhe.

若是那样，他已然忘了，不同于核磁共振机器，人们是有感情的。他们会感到尴尬和疏离，而且在被110分贝的陈词滥调狂轰滥炸、目睹穿着橙黄和蓝绿色紧身衣的舞者乱舞之后，他们极不可能对工作产生更大的热忱。
来源:可可英语

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